We all know to add the words “in bed” to the end of the fortune in a fortune cookie. But what to do with the little messages printed on the inside of the Dove® Promises mini-chocolate foil wrappers?
Easy… just add “you sad, lonely fatass.”
My message today: Promise yourself a smile today you sad, lonely fatass.
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Not to be critical, but we usually phrase it “Lonely, sad fatass”. I’m sure your interpretation comes under the aegis of poetic license.
You leave the writing to me, Picture-boy.
“Temptation is fun. Giving in is better you sad, lonely fatass.”
My coworker and I laughed our butts off (not quite literally) at your post. We were searching to see if Dove created a site for e-cards with equally lame quotes. Thanks for filling that void of disappointment with something equally hilarious.
Glad to help out, Terry.
By far, I get more site referrals for the words “Dove Promises” than anything else I post here. Apparently there are a lot of sad, lonely fatasses out there.
Dove is love, you sad, lonely fatass.
these promises are so ridiculous, i had to google them & since i did, here are mine:
sing along with the elevator music, you sad, lonely fatass
&
sometimes one smile means more than a dozen roses, you sad, loney fatass
aw.
Watch reruns. They play your memories, you sad, lonely fatass.
Make “someday” today you sad, lonely fatass.
Pretty funny stuff. Most of the quips inside Dove chocolates are B.S. Especially the one about reruns re-playing your memories.
Let’s see…
“Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die tomorrow you sad, lonely fatass.”
I still like the rerun one best with your modification.
Milk-coming-out-of-my-nose funny! I was eating some of these and a coworker told me to add “in bed” as in the fortune cookie game. Then I googled and found your variant.
“Get your feet massaged, you sad, lonely fatass.”
“Wink at someone driving past today, you sad, lonely fatass.”
“Learn to say ‘hello’ in another language, you sad, lonely fatass.”
“Give all your houseplants men’s names, you sad, lonely fatass.”
(well, that last one was my addition)
Find new Dove Anti-Promises…like:
“Make someday never.”
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